::life kaleidoscope::

2009-09-17T19:52:00.002+08:00

i realised i always turn to writing posts when im down. when i feel upset abt something and i have no one to talk to. advices are always turned on deaf ears; and it doesnt seem to help when you have no absolute support or backups in whatever you are doing. Many times i've been thinking, whether should or should not, yes or no. but it still hinges on that very strand of line i cant see at all. i am still very much afraid of previous incidents. still very much cowering behind. but still. this very fact doesnt help in anything at all. im just down. really down. and i dunno when its gonna be up. no vague hints of it any time soon.

2009-06-03T21:08:00.002+08:00

時には、私は誰か私の周りになりたい.

しかし,それは単なる希望.

2009-05-23T05:55:00.001+08:00

i realised. the whole night staring at blank space. trying to figure out something. maybe every attempt is just useless. just wouldnt help at all. maybe thats why everyone left. this thought keep spinning in my mind. and i have no idea how things are going to turn out. regrets are not going to wrk. i just pray for the strength. but even Him, deserts me as i chose not to turn to Him.

2009-05-15T22:52:00.001+08:00

i just wanna say. when something or someone is gone. its gone forever. trying to make it work, trying to patch up e bruises and the hurts... its just futile attempts. simply speechless with how some people think. -_-'''

2009-05-11T18:59:00.002+08:00

i guess sometimes. intentions are indeed more grave than outcomes or consequences. somethings u said or done wrong. just aint gonna be forgotten like that. throughout the journey i was thinking. maybe. just maybe. that teeny weeny thought of mine will just come true one fine day. its just a thought that will keep me awake for many a nights. i guess. maybe. its time to go to the church for some enlightenment.

2009-05-09T19:34:00.002+08:00

many people advised otherwise. but the feeling still wont go away. im happy for them. yet... e emotions came. i avoid cos i dun wanna face it. i dun wanna see the facts for what they are. im afraid maybe. maybe... Life's just so straightforward.

2009-03-22T22:07:00.005+08:00

time passes oh-so-fast in the past month. i thought i would not be serious in relationships again. cos the previous hurt was too great. seeing couples made me emotionless. seeing marriage as a annulment. but somehow, HE made me want to try again. somehow, HE made me wanna commit again. even though, it may be hard. even though e road might be tough. i guess, i hope, we can go through it this time. its astonishing how HE is always inside my mind. always there which i didnt expect HIM to be at. i thank Lord for HIM, for the love that grew out of it, for the future that can be. thank HIM for loving the imperfect me. i'm really touched by the things HE've done and said. thank you adrian love. thank you.

2009-02-28T20:44:00.002+08:00

i sat by the beach trying to find out why things turn out like that. i guess watching the sunrise made me just a tad better. the world goes on, life goes on, everyone around you moves on with their life. i realized for a sec that i really shouldn't take things too hard. no one stay beside you too long. even though i'm fully awake for almost 48hrs, i dont seem to be tired. maybe just mentally. sometimes, we just need someone to be beside us. but look around, who's actually there? i found out i'm numb from all the things happening around me. but then, there are some good tidings as well. god's fair. bless y'all.

2009-02-27T22:34:00.002+08:00

i guess sometimes. just sometimes. things dun turn out the way you wanted it. the tears just fell when she told me about it. we were so close, but yet sometimes, i feel like im nothing to her, to them. just someone available at the point of time. the sense of disappointment seems abit for me to take. i bore the happiness and anticipation to be able to share smth with them. but somehow, it just fell apart. i really cant take this kind of emotions. it swells up so much i'm not able to take it. why must it happen to me. must be karma.

2009-02-15T21:47:00.004+08:00

omg la. i haven updated in ard 2 months?! hmm.. haha. been really doing nuthing these 2 months. working and playing is my life. as for now. haha. went thru quite abit. saw pple for the way they are; attended some people's important occasions such as birthdays and weddings; got into my 1st ever brawl; etc etc. i would be heading to work in my aunt's company which means i'm gg to resign my work soon. i'll really miss the kids in SAS and CIS. but i guess that's life. okayy. enough of the crap. now for some photos!!

the groups of people i really love.
they're always there for u.

2008-12-27T15:06:00.018+08:00

hey people. seems like i've been on a long hiatus this time. haha. almost 1 mth! been really busy with work. almost everyday is a routine. waking up ard 7+, ending work at 5+ and gg home straight after work. its a tad too tiring for me. -snore- however, as the month draws near, my mood livens up!! wahahah. just know that even tho i've been busy, i'm also gouging myself with good food. hahaha. jealous huh? haha, pictures to whet ur appetite!! haha. anyway, merry xmas! hmm. belated la. -grins-

3rd dec

jae won. the uber cute korean kid
who keeps asking me questions.

see this HUGEEE bruise!! purple!!
and damn pain. sob.

8th dec

i dunno wad i was doing. ha

outingggg!!

yiwei. me.

so hard to get
impromptu pix.

12th dec

was a tad early for my lesson at anchorvale cc so i went to anchorpoint to try this. curry san. hmm.. no comment. ok for s'porean taste but sucky for authentic jap curry. eeks.

17th dec

met charyl up at jurong point's billy bombers. had the grilled chicken with mushroom sauce while she had the fish n chips. yum. nt too bad la. hee

20th dec

went to jurong point to eat again cos tina's back from jakarta for a week before flying to hk again.
anyway, we had new york new york. the seafood pizza is 'ewwwww'. taste worse than pizza hut. omg. anyway, after lunch we went walking ard the new mall. was browsing thru the new ntuc xtra and its was huggeee. anyway, i saw this cartoon character 'dora the explorer' so i was crazily chasing after the stupid thing trying to take a pic. i imagine pple thinking i so old le still like cartoon. lame. haha.

stupid thing actually
posed for my cam. wahahah

25th, 26th, 27th dec

basically, these few days was boring. haha. din do much, except for receiving gifts and buying stuff for new year. yiwei surprised us with crabtree and evelyn's cookies. yum yum, thanks yiwei!! hehe. jonah and co sent a coach bag long wayyyy from US. thanks too!! little little smses and gifts brighten up my day tho this year i din go for mass. oops. haha. me n yiwei went to xuan's hse to disturb her at midnight la. wahahha. anyway, just yest, i met up with charyl and we went to buy some stuff and do manicure. bright red!! ahah. also, i bought the pair of pumps i was alr eyeing since long time before. it was retailing at $195 then. but just last week when i went for company lunch, i saw it at 50% off ($97.50). i was still contemplating then. so when i went again yest, it came as a surprise to see the tag stating 70% off!! and it was at $58.50! and e best part was, the bill came up to $48.75?? i was bewildered. but the sales person said it was further discounted 5% cos im using UOB card! omg.... im damn cheapskate. was uber happy e whole day. hehe. ALDO rocks la. erm, only during sales. wahahha. damn cheap for aldo la. :]

http://www.aldoshoes.com/us/women/shoes/dress-fashion/68299993-karlovo

2008-11-30T20:15:00.013+08:00

erm. had been ultra busy with work. almost had to drag my ass out every morning trying to wake up. *yawns* bad~ but tina's back from korea or hk, i forgot which. haha. went for a small gathering at vino vino ard ms area. they're having a free-flow wine at S$12 from 6-8pm. nt fantastic but acceptable. we had a cheese platter inclusive of peppered cheese, bacon-flavoured cheese and of course,the authentic original. haha. personally i love the bacon ones cos they taste EXACTLY like bacon bits. lawl~ my fave! yum. after that we had 3 bottles of white wine. 2+1 , so why not. 3 for the price of 2! me like auntie la. hehe. eh, just on friday, i met up with charyl at raffles place during her lunch break. went to this korean place to eat cos she was complimenting the food alot. hmm, the name is The Palace. we had kimchi jeon (kimchi pancake) and kimchi chigae ( kimchi soup). din really order much cos i din have any appetite. the kimchi jeon is not too bad. full of capsicums and kimchi. but i must really comment on the kimchi chigae. damn smooth, spicy and sour. isnt that wad kimchi chigae is supposed to be?? hmm. but somehow, the kimchi soup in sg doesnt appeal to me much cos its not so authentic. esp in those foodcourts. omg!! faint- but The Palace does it just right. oops, sounds like an advertorial. hmm. lawl~ anyway, charyl flew off for taiwan on sat night. so i expect my barangs to increase when she's back!! hehe. best friend~ hehe. anyway. dec's just ard the corner and i cant think of any gifts to buy! omg. headache. but dec sucks for me always. damn damn damn busy schedule. haix. but work's work right? i know. so just gotta jiayou. Fhighting!! :)

damn nice toilet at nuss.
got flower somemore!!
must camwhore!! lawl~

see the many many ingredients!

damn yummmmyy! must try!

kimchi jeon.
PS: The Palace Korean restaurant
Address
30 Raffles Place
#B1-03A Chevron House

Tel: 6327 4555

2008-11-19T20:54:00.031+08:00

okkayyy.. haven been consistently taking photos. lol. too lazy to do so. so this is roughly e itinerary on how i spent the past few days.

basically, went to swim on saturday with sis and aunts and mum. really long time since i swam like 6/7 laps?!?! hmm. so healthy. lawl. after that, we went to 日本村 and had dinner. hm, lemme recall wad we had. 3 plates of salmon sashimi( 2 of which is gobbled by me!!), enoki bacon yaki, king prawn tempura, asparagus bacon yaki, saba teriyaki, many many plates of sushi and.... desserts!! omg, its really damn nice and cheap. we had like chocolate and strawberry waffles and ichigo daifuku!! alamak. im such a pig. lawll.

saphir. she's really trying very hard to be a wannabe: playing with my shades.

sunday i spent half the day running ard trying to repair my stupid LG phone. there's only like 1 customer care service centre i think. i checked online and i SWEAR i saw suntec city. there's even a telephone number on e website. but tadah, when i reached. i f**king wanna kill pple. the kind m1 pple told me the only available one is at.... VIVOCITY!!..... so faithfully, i had to travel all e way down cos i had really no choice. my bloody phone screen is 'untouchable', when its supposed to be touch screen. wtf. haix. thankgod it took only 1 hr to repair and my phone was returned in tip top condition:erm, except for the dents when i dropped it. lol. so i went back and had a little cut-cake celebration with family. OBVIOUSLY, the cake's from rive gauche again. its my sis's fave. hehe. longan almond. yum yum.

Monday was spent with dearest. went to eat again!! lol. this time. we had tempura, enoki bacon yaki and chicken teriyaki. not too bad! lol. but was too full for desserts this time round. -_- upset. overall, i had a very very happy day these 3 days. it makes me a very very happy girl!! but im already 23!! haha. all grown up, but last of the clique. tsk. anyway, thanks jonah, dre and jevie & co for all the presents. *grin* esp to jonah, pls be back soon!! and bring ur angmoh gf la.. lawll.. time really passes very fast!! yay!! CCHHHHRRIISTMAS coming!! SANNTTAA!!

dessert at yami yogurt!! my all time fave!!!

postnote: some random pictures

ethan hall and liam stanton. boyband material!! lawll.

2008-11-14T10:36:00.001+08:00

click on nuffnang ads if u see any!! lol. thanks!

2008-11-13T19:56:00.010+08:00

sometimes, it seems like a flash of light. time passes so fast. hmm. had a morning lesson at yangzheng pri and went for lunch at chomp chomp. and there's this bakery which bakes damn good bread and egg tarts and cream puffs. old-skool style. bought a couple for my family and had selegie bean curd. oh so nice. yum yum. went to sas after that but it was just too early. i think we actually reached almost an hr earlier!! omg. so i went to the teacher's lounge and slacked, read magazines and cam-whored. as in, REALLY cam-whored. lol. bored la. haha. and 1 more photo to show u how cute my students are!! hehe. damn random tho. *laff*

acting emo. lol.

erm. one of the few times i'll cam-whore.

guess wad?? xy's trademark!! lol.

okayyy. this is xuan's trademark..
im such a pirate. haha

trying REALLY very hard to act cute.

my cute students. heart them so.

2008-11-11T21:09:00.003+08:00

it almost rained again today when i was on my way to american school. i almost repeated my same old mistake of refusing to bring a brolly out. tsk. The very last time, erm, which is last 2 weeks i think, i had to walk barefooted with my jeans folded-up and my wedges in 2 different plastics bags into the school. marsiling was FLOOODDDEEDD. i heard swishing sounds when i walked thru puddles. ewww right? lol. yawns. class was alright today. but imagine almost 2 weeks of waking up 6am. it's absolutely disgusting. but sometimes, seeing e kids laugh and be happy really brightens up ur day. i shall try to upload more photos of these joy, fun and laughter. meanwhile. the day is coming nearer and nearer. so pple started questioning me how i am gonna settle this year's day. omg. haven been thinking at all. OMG!! help!! zzz

2008-11-09T20:09:00.007+08:00

because of the korean pop night 2008, i fell so in love with these korean stars. drop-dead gorgeous looks packed with superb vocals and impressively slick dance moves. whoo~ esp 2pm and jewelry. personal big time faves. wondergirls are also cute and sweet. omg... so in love!! of cos, my elly cinderella too!! cute n pretty. whoo~~ must gush about these pple laaa.. SG seldom attracts korean starts to drop by. lol. we're too tiny a market for them. pictures galore!

2008-11-08T15:33:00.002+08:00

all work and no play makes fatty me a very grouchy person. eeee. plenty of work. plenty.. omg.. imagine that till end of dec. omg!!! help! faint.

2008-11-06T19:37:00.002+08:00

glad that i was part of the korean pop night 2008 at singapore indoor stadium on 4 nov. it was amazing. the crowd, the fans, the stars: V.O.S, Shinhwa( Andy and junjin), Chae Yeon, Jewelry, Wondergirls, 2PM and U-kiss. i fell so in love with Jewelry!! these 4 girls were fantabulous esp in-young. oww~~~ all in all. i really would pay to watch this concert. ciaos...

2008-10-31T23:32:00.002+08:00

once more. it's happening again. it always happens to me. i hate it. yet it just keeps coming. like a leech.

2008-10-28T21:22:00.003+08:00

i always try to do the best at anything. work, tuition and private life. but i seemed unable to balance these aspects of my life. tuition wise; my student scored very very well in her exams this year, i've seen her improve so much that i feel elated as well. however, she was still unable to get promoted to express just cos of a mere 2% in percentile. She was disappointed, upset. and at that moment, i felt for her as well. cos we both worked hard. at least to me, its that way. i tried even harder for her younger sister in primary 3 and i went for tuition everyday for almost 2 weeks before her exams. but the weight came crashing today when her results were announced. i cant speak, i cant think. i just felt depressed, upset and guilty. in the end, i still couldnt help her. i felt like i betrayed her mother's trust and confidence in me. the point i din understand, or should i say, get enlightened, was the fact that when its tuition time, she could do the sums alright and fully understood wad i was trying to explain to her. however, the results showed otherwise. i dont understand, i really dont. i just feel...... I F.A.I.L.E.D

2008-10-27T21:42:00.001+08:00

went town with charyl today. she's really getting shopaholic. omg. haha. went lo'ccitane and got a shea butter hand creme, lavender hand creme in travel pack, and lavender pillow mist. damage is $129 i think. hmmm. then charyl went to get 2 bags for work and leisure use. amounting $191. omg... and we were eating the whole day. was so tempted with the hokkaido fair at taka cos got my fave miso ramen. authentic cos served by a japanese chef. but ditched e idea cos we had to wait n queue. ewww. so we had some oden and mix mushroom soup at taka basement; at the japanese stall i couldnt rem the name, but its just beside romanken. lol. after that we went to meridien and had the korean food instead. we shared the bean paste soup and kimchi soup. cheap and nice. i think its only 6 bucks each. yum yum. oh!! and i had the strawberry sandwich from sun moulin. OMG. heavenly can. whipped cream and fresh strawberries and soft white bread. refrigerated till just nice. >.< slurp. overall wonderful day, except that i miss someone badly. -_-

2008-10-27T21:19:00.002+08:00

2008-10-26T22:59:00.007+08:00

ok, my current fetish and im so hooked to their songs. rock and yet, some soothing duets. they're both from 超级星光大道 Season 2. 赖铭伟 and 黄美珍. omg. i only have two words for this new and upcoming group : awfully jawdropping. their group name is 神木与瞳. quite a sophisticated name right? yeah, so check them out!! haha. i particularly like these two songs : 为你而活, 草戒指. damn bloody nice. lol. you can go check out this link and listen for yourself. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8NKZ8VqyQo . anyway, my schedule for november and december is unexpectedly hectic. omg. plenty of lessons and i think i'll only have weekends free. wth. haix. upset. -_-

2008-10-18T23:57:00.002+08:00

i foresee and predict loads of work.
i foresee and predict loads of sales..
i foresee and predict loads of moolah flying away...
i foresee and predict loads of people scolding me....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
DAMN!

2008-10-15T15:01:00.003+08:00

basically, been busy these two days. working and shuttling between places. had sakae.. and erm, some of my fave food really made my day. but greedy me din have patience to take photos before gobbling down ALL the food. haha. went to ao and xy's birthday thingie on mon. they went to eat sushi buffet but i din go. joined them after that and wenta kbox at hougang plaza. hahah. they took hell loads of photos but guess wad. i din have any of them. haha. thats all for nw. ima gonna zzzz!! tired. ciaos~

2008-10-12T13:30:00.005+08:00

major wants/needs
.rosebullet.
.integra.
.frame.
.marie.
.japan.
.love.

2008-10-11T21:32:00.012+08:00

saw yiwei the very 1st time in 2 months. he looks so much better with
a new hairstyle and happier moods. hehe. went zara cos i was looking
for a nice pair of pumps. okay, i saw one, wanted to geddit. and....
hesitated. cos the price-tag states: $219. had a pretty little double-take
and decided against it. even when its going on sales, it'll cost a hefty
$189. i had many little angels telling me how i could put the kah-ching into damn good use. like a hair cut and dye perhaps? hmm. good sTella.
listens to angels instead of the usual devils? hehe. gonna show u the food at tonkichi as well. apparently, its damn good. hmm. xuan n yiwei lurrvess the rosu bento set, oh yeah, and the curry sauce as well. does it the purrfecct way. on a random note, was browsing thru past photos and i realised i changed quite a bit. hmm. from a nerdy freak in sec school to now. haha, i'm so not going to post any of the hideous photos la. hehe. shy. >.< and on a sidenote, i'm going to spend my 2009 with my love again! marie schedule book 2009! such a cute little character from THE ARISTOCATS.

Tonkichi.
Yokubari set.
Niku Jaga.
Tonkutsu Ramen.

marie the cute meow. hehe

the damn nice yet damn
pricey heels from zara.

ok, camwhore me. but yiwei say
this pair of heels make me look like
goddess in heaven. so must take! haha.
nice?! anyone sponsor? hehe

wad happened to the cute little
darling of the past! omg. -_-"

2008-10-07T17:31:00.008+08:00

ok, suddenly the feeling of wanting a car is back. so many people getting cars la. omg. jevie and co are ALL getting black honda integras and u can imagine.. damn cool la, 6 black "zhng-ed" integras on e roads. DAMN! and they got the nerve to come tell me, " sTella, so nic3 lei, now coe drop, buy la, worth it!"... omg.. FAINT.

The DC5 Integra Type R features a K20A 2.0-liter engine with 220 horsepower, a new six-speed manual gearbox, Recaro front seats, a leather-wrapped MOMO steering wheel, aluminum pedals, aluminum shift knob, exclusive aero parts, and Brembo front brakes. how cool's that. ok, i must go test-drive and contemplate!! HONDA! *roar*

2008-10-07T12:21:00.003+08:00

what can i do. sinking into abyss again. omg. anyway, i so wanna cut my hair. it's
sooo ugly. omfg. short n ash, thats the way i want it!! haha
愛あなた自身。私を愛しなさい、愛しなさい

2008-10-05T23:04:00.002+08:00

simply bored. gawd. i haven been this bored
for eons. i guess i gotta find a job damn soon
to get rid of this sense of uselessness. crap.

2008-10-04T21:41:00.006+08:00

a penny for the thought. i think i'm happier now than
previous months. even though life may not be puurfect. but
thats all part and parcel of life isnt it?! if life is a bed
of roses, i think it'll just take away some of the fun in
challenging and overcoming the obstacles and difficulties. conclusion? we can only try harder, right?

2008-10-03T20:34:00.000+08:00

been busy recently with lots of classes and lots of people to
meet. hmm.. "many" haha. met charyl up last sunday and wed,
did some catching up and heart-to-heart chat. this girl has
been together with me so long. secondary school till now.
thanks girl.we had a meal at 店小二. the roasted duck is quite
nice. keke. we ordered 药材烤鸭, Poached Spinach with Century and
Salted Egg and the double-boiled old cucumber soup.. i swear the
pictures cant emphasize how appetising the food are. yum yum.
more nice food for ME!! *roar*

___________________________________________________________________

another point. i have been chionging this tw drama <<篮球火>> since
it started. omg. strong cast and it has the female model i like!! omg.
言承旭, 罗志祥, 吴　尊, 周采诗, 胡宇崴, 蒋　怡!! how cool is that. i really
really like 蒋　怡. i dunno why. she has the kinda charisma and x-factor
oozing. tall and pretty! damn. of cos, the typical kinda tw drama, abit
"lame" story-line, "extraordinary" basketball skills. hmmm. but u just
cant be NOT attracted to the gorgeous cast. oopsie. now its only till the
10th episode. quickly!! i cant really afford to wait n wait for the episodes
to come out. MY EYE-CANDY!!

left to right:
言承旭
罗志祥, 周采诗
言承旭, 吴　尊

my fave 蒋　怡
pretty right?!?! wahhaha

2008-10-02T16:29:00.002+08:00

just one more photo i managed to ask these two cuties to take.

the humongous cafeteria of singapore american school

two sweetest boys
- patrick on the left
- david joyce on the right

2008-09-30T02:16:00.001+08:00

on a side note, yiwei's back!! we can go out AGAIN!!!! yay!! hooray!! keke. madness me.

2008-09-30T02:04:00.008+08:00

been teaching in singapore american school and canadian international school for awhile now. u've NO IDEA how cute these ang moh kids are la. omg. really adorable. guess u gotta experience for urself then u'll know. ahha. i'm currently teaching the kids from grade 3-8. cute la! alamak. geez. cant stop! keke. will try to upload more photos in future to show y'all how different ang moh n singaporeans bring up their kids. International schools are all abt MMOOOLAH~ they would pay $1k to reserve a parking lot, spend billions to fly american specialists to renovate a supposedly "mouldy" building, pay $25,000 to be on the ever-long waiting list! scary, aint it? hmm. nasty. would sg skools do it? maybe not. thats all for now! ciaos! be well.

-i absolutely adore the blond boy in e center. he's called david n cute to the core! grade3! oops-

2008-09-26T01:18:00.002+08:00

okok, tsk, i happened to browse through xuan's blog n saw her COMMENTING i'm lazy to send her the pixs. oh god, i am la. haha. sry la, now i upload then u rip from here la! aahha. we attended THE NEXT WAVE 2008 on 20 sept. reached rather early ard 7+ when the concert's at 8pm. wth. haix. so we sat ard n camwhored BIG TIME. its always like a major gathering, u'll see so many ol frens. omg! ahha, truckloads of pple la. hmmm, koustav, clarisse, addy, chunseong, jeremy nah, jamie, hui, prasad, jessica,sandy.. blahblah. if i dun rem wrongly, i went to THE NEXT WAVE 2006. hmm. this year is so diff. the theme, e choreography. zaini's item was hilarious. suspenders, nighties, and omg, hair curlers!! its super cute! haha. n guess wad, zaini even performed onstage with the dancers! hmm. i guess u could say it was an awesome night, but of course its only when ima out with my xuan mei. its beeeennnn ssooooo lllllooooonnnggg! ahha. now let the photos tell u the fun! erm, of cos WITH the camwhoring. keke

-a piece of art-

- camwhore take 1-

-take 2-

-take 3-

-take 4-

-finally pic perfect-

-inside the concert hall-

-xuan's trademark-

-the besties-

-SA 02s52-

-minus yeelian plus koustav-

-glen glen glen!-

2008-09-21T01:02:00.002+08:00

yiwei flew back to taiwan in the afternoon. when i knew abt it, i was abit sad. not because of anything, merely cos of the fact that i knew i couldnt do anything. im sure xuan felt the same way. we would have spent more time with him. but xuan is true to some point. as we grow older, there's lesser time to commit and accompany. maybe thats when emo comes in. omg. i cant stop thinking abt it. i suddenly miss the times we used to spend last time. when they were more free n there's plenty of time to gossip, crap n pple-watch. i really feel for yiwei, i really do. haix. i think xuan does as well. hope he gets un-emoed soon.

2008-09-14T14:00:00.000+08:00

just today, i had a talk with xuan and yiwei. i realise maybe sometimes, my character does have its flaws and bad. i just gotta find ways to change and improve. somehow, pple gradually dont mention HIM to me. thank you. to me, he'll always be a fren. but right nw, nothing more than that. HE seems happy, thats the best outcome. AND GUESS WAD? IM EQUALLY HAPPY WITH LIFE. I WONT GO BACK TO THE OL TIMES AGAIN. I WONT. :) to xuan, i'll definitely NT become who u said i'm becoming. NOPE, its so not me. really, dont worry. *grin* thank you to all the people who's beside me thru this hard time esp that very someone. god bless. loves.

2008-08-24T02:17:00.002+08:00

its been 2 weeks since i left him. irony that it fell on 9 aug. but right now, i hate myself more than anything else. i hate the indecisiveness. i hate the moodiness. and i hate myself for having e ability to hurt and make pple sad. how could i possibly have this kind of _____ to do that. i really hate myself. tsk. but e good thing is, gradually, i feel kinda ok without fish. he was once a very impt part of my life. but now, nothing more than a friend. it hurts, but it'll heal. i have all the people behind me. i cant fail. xuan, yiwei, mel, thank you. i wun fail u. to that very someone. gimme time. i will be myself very soon, very very soon. gimme strength pple. god bless.

2008-08-09T13:24:00.002+08:00

life has to go on. I've heard that umpteen times within these 2 days. i tried not to hear, i tried not to see. but my heart still broke. just for the simple reason. i still love him. its not going to be easy. but i will wait. waiting is gonna be hard as well. but I'm sure I'll persevere. i will be strong. HE must be happy. HE must be enjoying his freedom. i want to know that. if he's happy, all i did, all i endured, will be worthwhile. if not. i wouldn't know what to do. pls Lord, take care of him n let he lead a happy life. God Bless.

2008-08-08T09:22:00.003+08:00

i'm finally blogging again. not cos im happy. its exactly the opposite. 2 years down the road but yet nothing was achieved. time not well spent? it may be to him. i often wondered whether it was the route i should have taken long ago. but i still dont have the answer. even to now, i refused to think of it as futile effort to make things work. maybe i loved him. maybe i really do. but now, im just plain disappointed. many a things i have given up, many i have let go. all for a reason. but now that the reason is gone, should i keep clinging on. or should i......... im really thinking.

2007-10-05T19:30:00.000+08:00

i have no idea how to express either my rage or my sadness, except here. cos this is where i can really say my true feelings. for the past 21 years of my life, not one friend has ever hurt me in this way. i dunno how to express the pain in my heart. i tried to be nice and i tried to be friends. see wad happens, i fall and fall. is that fair for me. i swore i gave my heart, but i got nothing in return. just plain disappointment. how are they to judge me? how well do they actually know me? i really dunno. maybe we're really not fated. if it was the old me, i wouldn't even care about anything they say, ANYTHING. but now, the situation is different. i have someone i don't want to disappoint. but meanwhile, i too have my pride and resentment. who am i to turn to? no-one. cos i know deep down, my closest friends will back me up. they are the ones who really understand me after all these years. but i really gotta do something about the issue. -sighs-

2007-08-23T17:54:00.000+08:00

uh oh. its been like sooo uber long since i updated? hmm.. these few mths have been the major setbacks and major happiness period. working till my schedule's packed like sardines and all the blah-blah-blah din seem to help. recently i got to realise how some people have been taking advantage of me being nice to them and how the others have been secretly cursing and commenting on my behind mah back. but thankfully, i still have my machi(s) behind me... that is like so comforting please. anyway, IT's been 10 months. hopefully, it's going on strong... hopefully.

2007-05-24T22:50:00.000+08:00

life had pretty much been pretty much the same except the fact that i dun blog "DAT" often now and i having been msn-ing for the longest period of time. sorry pple. exams over and nows e hols. these few months i've learnt alot about people. people would betray you, people who will stick by you through the hard times and those who pretend they know you. may god bless the souls of the great pretenders.

2007-02-22T03:15:00.000+08:00

maybe i should really consider other people's opinions of me. i had been so stubborn i totally refused to see how other people look at me. maybe its really time to figure out that aspect.

2007-02-20T10:58:00.000+08:00

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR PPLE!! haha.. hongbaos coming again! hows e haul this year? keke. :p been busy since the eve of cny. went to 3 reunions dinners. eww.. i'm so sick of steamboat now. 1st day was off to both sides to bai nian and collect the red red envelopes. wahah. went to baby's place in the evening. yest morning was off to baby's maternal side relative's hse. its really amusing to see their reactions when i was introduced as the girlfriend. wahahah. i'm sure u guys get my drift. hahhaha. oh ya, not forgetting the fact that my baby looked gorgeous yest. REALLY GORGEOUS. shhh.. dun spread this info. haha. after that while he was off to visit his boss, i went home and nua-ed on my bed till 5+ then went to meet him, jul n chooli for movie. ewww.. i dunno why but it kept drizzling this few days! damn. anyway, ghostrider is quite nice. plot sucks. but the effects n the cameo is a good enough reason to catch it. the actors and actresses are darn hot. ok, off for my red collection again!! ciaos

2007-02-15T11:29:00.000+08:00

HAPPY VALENTINES!! spent it with the usual crowd: jul, chooli, ah jie, ah yi, long, cheryl, koala, hubbebe and BABY!! n Mr Yu dressed up for da occasion!! keke. spiked hair and contact lenses. bet his colleagues had a shock! wahaha. makan at fisherman village was alright. but the atmosphere was a big big thumbs up!! very very nice. :) baby, i love u!!! muacks muacks muacks!!

p.s: omg.. i actually forgot the person that coordinated everything. sorry koala!! my fault!! forgive me!! :(

2007-02-11T12:06:00.000+08:00

3 more days to the red heart day. hahaha. was just talking abt it with dre and chantell. it seems like we have been spending it together for umpteen times and this is the 1st or 2nd time its not gonna be the couple of us. but its gonna be baby this year!!! i never knew what pple meant by changing character when in r/s. cos i always had this streak of stubborn in me that foresees i never do ANYTHING against my will in the past. for good or bad, i did change abit during this while with him. became more accommodating. but it was even more of a emotional whirlwind when i realised that i am still not as magnanimous as i tot i could be. however, i improved, din i? so, its still a feat. yeappie!

2007-02-10T13:02:00.000+08:00

finally managed to get quite a relatively good night's sleep yest. it was partly due to exhaustion i think. went to help baby tidy up his room. it was, er.. quite typical guy's room. SUPER untidy. wahahhaah. but at e end of the day, it was mission accomplished, with exhausted us yet satisfied results. keke. travins's 21st birthday tml. Happy Birthday boy! old liao la.. hahaha. whee!!

2007-02-06T22:25:00.000+08:00

trying my darnest to keep myself from collapsing. everything seems to be piling up. work work work work. sleepless nights n nightmares are just like friends to me now. they just keep coming. and together with some other stuff happening around me, it just gets deep down to the pit. now i truly understand bell's occasional depression periods. i feel them now. shoo shoo.. else me brain disintegrate to nothing. god help me. i dun want to go that way. i really don't.

2007-02-06T05:10:00.000+08:00

went to support daren at project superstar on sunday at indoor stadium. plenty of mei meis screaming la.. almost went stone deaf. grr. anyway, congrats to daren for winning the much coveted title!! wahhah. we left at top speed right aft the announcement of results cos it's so gonna be jammed. its quite a spectacular performance by both contestants la. diya was nt bad, and according to glen, she's super nice. keke. oh, and why i am still awake at this kinda time is cos i had a very very very horrible dream. couldn't sleep in after that. omg, i wun even want to repeat the details. however, i certainly hope its fake.. ewww.. help!!!

2007-02-03T12:18:00.000+08:00

feb 3 is jul's birthday. happy birthday!!! went to celebrate for her yest with the usual crowd( koala, hubbebe, jie, trisha, jacob, baby n me). but now i have zero expectation for 7-11 cos they dun really stock up on common drinks such as coke, sprite n green tea in 1.5L form. ewww. but anyway, it was more like a chatting n drinking session la. keke. however, one must really be thankful for these people cos they r such nice people. heart them n baby!!

2007-01-31T09:32:00.000+08:00

went drinking with dre, jonah and a couple of their friends yest. din really have alot to drink but i think it was bad enough. enough to gain me several scoldings and none of which is particularly nice to the ears. i shouldn't really develop the bad habit of gg drinking once there's unhappiness. cos each time it happens, the problem gets worse. n not to mention the hangover next day. omg. that sucks. and i must really apologise to all these pple who were major worried for me. baby, dre, i'm sorry to make u guys worried with all my rants and nonsense behaviors. really really dun mean it. sry. forgive me ya? :)

2007-01-29T23:11:00.000+08:00

mini disagreements erupted in between these 2 weeks. sorry to the people i've been yelling or grumbling at. i came to this conclusion. guys n girls have TOTALLY different mentalities and concepts. what may be distracting to girls r norms for guys. so.. well done! hahaha. bt i believe love and affection can transcend all obstacles n barriers. so, work harder then. push on. and i'm perfectly ok now, i will not dwell on the past.*i hope* keke. so not to worry guys. no prooobllleemmss!! :p

2007-01-26T09:46:00.000+08:00

had a hard day yest. upset about some stuff. all long i was tot i was strong enough to withstand any setbacks. but i wasn't.

*dre, thanks for listening to my shit yest. i appreciate that. real buddy!!!*

2007-01-23T23:09:00.000+08:00

got screwed once again by everyone. ok, i got hooked on to gunbound AGAIN. grrr. no good. and its particularly funny when little boys try to hook up to me on gb. virtual gf? er, no thanks. i'm happily attached. wahaha. can u imagine 13/15 yr old boys typing i love you while gaming? gosh. i wonder. i MUST try to curb my addiction. i shall delete e setup soon. to study to study to study. i must!! and ^_^ will tell me once again:"it's all about self control" -scowls-

2007-01-19T23:15:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 3 MONTHS BABY!!!! hahaha. yeah, its been that long and i hope it stays this way. laff. :p we caught 2 movies and had dinner at miss clarity cafe. Pan's Labyrinth was quite cool considering the fact that it was in spanish and i had such a hard time trying to see e subtitles and watch e movie at the same time. talk abt multi-tasking. tsk tsk. Apocalypto was good also. except it was super gory and i was closing my eyes half e time due to the violence. i din really think mel gibson would direct much lesser write this movie cos its so not his genre. but the actual action is to be applauded cos i think those actors in e movie are REALLY part of aborigines or similar tribes. cos they have enlarged earholes, darkened tattoos and elaborate scars!!! but its refreshing as a movie tho. hmm.. really had such a fun day today. surprise surprise again by baby dear. he is so sneaky la. hahaha.. but i like it. teehee. i love baby!!! cheers!

Mr Zac Yu. my fave boy.

2007-01-18T20:09:00.000+08:00

just reached home not long ago. rainy weather again!! crap. Mr Dean had to fetch me right at the doorstep cos i was complaining about having to splash through puddles to the taxi stand. haha. ok, i appreciate it ya?? keke. went to shiro restaurant at greenwood ave. i had kurama ebi garriyuki which was finger licking!! sashimi moriwase and chawamushi was superb too!! but e dessert was worth many many thumbs up! ok, i suck for desserts. but this was damn good! ayuki jelly! gosh. i can faint. all in all, its worth e hefty pricing. yummy! but sadly, its e one and only time i'll see dean while he's back in sg. he's flying back on sat. guess it'll be another 2 yrs before he visits again.. BUT i can't wait for tml tho.. important day. -grins- i simply love the number 19. i wonder why.

2007-01-18T00:12:00.000+08:00

i thought everyone could easily forgive and forget. apparently not. especially when it involves someone who takes it to heart personally. and e worse is when you're in e centre of explosion. hell.

2007-01-16T19:11:00.000+08:00

ok, just when money's at a all-time low, my phone's spoilt. hrmm, not so much for the basic functions, but e camera's spoilt!! even how crappy the resolution of the pictures turn out, it still serves e purpose. tsk tsk. and i'm extremely pissed today. its not i'm petty. but i really cannot take it when people are spreading nonsense rumors behind my back. if its still in the medieval times, i swear i'll punish the person by physical torture. since when did i comment something she said i did? ok, unless i'm senile, I WOULD REMEMBER EVERY SINGLE WORD I SAID TO THIS PERSON. what the f***? sorry for the vulgarity, but i'm really pissed!! to think i've known her for awhile and i THOUGHT maybe some lies she told to others sometime ago will not occur again. but i guess i'm seriously wrong. GRRRR. i can't really speak on it and i can't vent my anger. -scowls- what the heck did i do wrong to deserve going through something like this? f*** f*** f*** guess it shows how extremely pissed i am. f***!!!

2007-01-14T14:51:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY XUAN!!! my galfren's turning 22!! keke. oops. there u go. :p had lunch with yiwei n xuan at pizza walker yest aft. it was good! ok, i had doubts abt the parma ham with rock melon. but it turned out fine!! keke. then walked ard abit before deciding to rest our tired legs at vi'lage. its my 1st time patronising e place after marche closed down at the heerens. shared a caramel banana waffle. still as good and yummy!! *slurps* tried to take a perfect shot of us after that. changed seats, improved flash and after a million shots, we had it!! hahaha.. super hilarious. at night was late night supper with baby and long. its a pity the gathering's not as perfect as we could have. but... nvm, there's always e next time.

a side note: anger is not always the best way to solve a problem. plenty of times, it's just exactly e opposite. keep calm n everything will be alright.

2007-01-12T22:29:00.000+08:00

i don't know why, but for the past few days, my temper always rises extremely quick and i'm always snappy. I MUST CONTROL MY TEMPER!! i guess e stress is starting to build up. everyone including Mr Slacker Parry told me prelims coming.. exams coming.. blah blah blah. -scowls- I AM STUDYING pple!! so get off my back! oops, sounds too harsh? i dun give a damn. do precisely it!! i need a really good time planner, 24/7 just doesn't seem to do me justice with all the crap i gotta handle at the moment.

*another 6 days to baby's off day. we haven been hanging out lately. he's preoccupied with work and stuff. haix. i just wanna see him abit more.. just a bit more*

and the weather doesn't seem to help at all. got drenched twice in a day meant disaster. the rain is so sudden like the water is just being emptied out the bucket. happened both times while i was walking on some pedestrian walkway. irritated like nothing. okie.. tml's gonna be so much better. i hope.

2007-01-11T23:08:00.000+08:00

rainy weather matches my stormy mood. i'm depressed. can't just someone tell me what i should do, how i should behave and what i should say? i didn't realise i failed miserably all this while. i'm trying my darnest to change, but somehow, it just fades with him. been awhile since i'm in this state. sleepless nights once again. amen.

2007-01-11T12:44:00.000+08:00

i foresee plenty of clubbing and boozing this coming week. my postponed promised outings are long over-dued and e debtors are chasing after mah arse. god help me! i miss my baby so much! life's a bore without him. tsk..

2007-01-09T16:48:00.000+08:00

through him, i realised love's all about giving and not so much about asking for returns. many asked : wads about him that attracts you? i can't give an answer. he's just special. maybe not to others. but it is to me. i love my baby. very very much.

My romance doesn't have to have a moon in the sky

My romance doesn't need a blue lagoon standing by

No month of May

No twinkling stars

No hideaway

No soft guitars...

My romance doesn't need a thing but you

2007-01-07T13:30:00.000+08:00

last night was St James Powerstation for baby, long, cheryl, shanyu n me. reached quite late, ard 10+. 1st stop's Dragonfly. all e times i've been to St James, i've never step foot inside that place. ok, i admit cos i'm quite bias towards sylvester sim. eekkss!! it was jam packed la. saw quite a few familiar faces over there. several who i tried to shun. tsk tsk. suay la. -_- we then decided to move over to The Boiler Room. my type of music, my type of crowd. i luuurrve it! boogey boogey!!! we moved our asses yet again to Powerhouse. R&B and house music. superbly good! but i really wun suggest going on saturdays. e place's packed like there's free entry. damn! overall, the place's cool. n i saw places to chill!! i think its Movida and the Lobby. must check it out soon!! but e best part ---baby's with me. adore it to bits! whee~

2007-01-06T04:04:00.000+08:00

its human to regret some decisions or choices that one makes. i did regret. there was an option for me, a crossroad to decide. i made a choice, and i regretted. its seldom i do so. but i really do think this way : what if i did this... maybe the result will be something different. i should have given him a surprise, i should have gone. but its all too late. he kept saying it's ok, but i felt upset. cos i left him all by himself, alone. its like worms gnawing at something in me. i'm not seriously emotional. its just... i guessed i disappointed him. i'm sorry.

2007-01-01T23:33:00.000+08:00

ikan billis. big fish. fish tank. vegetables. interesting conversation. absolutely adorable.

2007-01-01T14:38:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone!! brand new start, brand new resolutions. met up with yiwei and xuan in e evening for dinner. its so impt to me cos they r e ones who been with me thru 2006 and definitely well into 2007. after that was the mini celebration with baby, long, cheryl, ah jie n ah yi. these pple r oh-so-cute u know. its astonishing how easy to gain a strong rapport even only knowing each other for awhile. :p had so much fun yest. but i wanna apologise to those cos i really dun see a point meeting various groupies for several hrs just to say "happy new year" right? we'll make up for loss of time k? to me, however, for the last day of 2006, i really wanted to spend it with my baby. it's really not so much about where we r going. but the fact that i wanna spend the last few hrs of the year with him. so, i'm really sorry pple. SORRY!! forgive me. my fault!! but its the new year!!! whee~ so forgive n forget la. wahaha. ciaos

2006-12-30T20:16:00.000+08:00

dean san is back!! this stupid fella actually got himself a christian name that is similar to his japanese name for "easy purposes". what the hell. used up half of my day figuring out who is this dean who knows japanese. faint. but he's back!!! whee~ haven seen him for the longest period of time. my estimate is abt a yr or so?!?! eh, e best part was, i gotta enlist yiwei's help to translate the jap words cos i haven touched them since... haha, those whu know me well enough shld get my drift. -grins- and tml's new year eve! time pass so fast can.. 2006 has been quite a fruitful year for me even though some bad issues pop up along e way. and e best thing in this year?? -meeting my baby dearest- feeling blessed all e way. uh huh.. new year new wishes. hope all those pple i heart will be happy and healthy always. and everything goes smoothly for everyone, esp baby. :) happy new year pple. -flying kiss-

2006-12-29T13:35:00.000+08:00

had 2 steamboats in less than a week!! i recall clarisse saying this "once through the mouth, all on the hips" dammit. i'm dead. keke. haven updated for 4 days. here's e itinerary for the previous 4 days.

26th dec

i can't remember what i was doing for the whole day! i'm getting old n senile. tsk tsk. book me a room at the old folk's home please?

27th dec

went to xuan's hse in the afternoon. watched shinhwa's state of the art dvd. sheesh, 8 years down the road and these korean hunks are still doing it man! i STILL dun like andy, eric and junjin. i used to like minwoo alot but i developed an adoration for hyesung! he's so pretty!! he freakingly resembles lee jun ki at some angles eh? opinions? after that was dinner with baby. haven gone down to meet him for dinner in a long while. all cos his dajie. -shivers- she's not fierce or what. but she sure is intimidating. had dessert with cheryl while waiting for baby to end work. i went home to change in something more appropriate while he went for his boy's night out. keke. its zouk for me. mr dre n chantell were dressed to impress la.. but i kept telling chantell she shld NOT be at zouk cos her marketing value is over at cube.. wahaha. dre opened 4 jack daniels but we called it quits after 3. there's only 3 of us u know.. ken's super duper late and jonah can't make it. poo. but I"M CERTAINLY NOT DRUNK! *this is for baby.. i'm 90% sure i'm not* wahhaa... then its back to lalaland.. zzzz

28th dec

went steamboat with baby, cheryl, long, ah jie, jul n chooli at marina south. ok.. i know i dun eat much, but my dear always make it worthwhile e price. keke. not to worry. :p the guys had 2 games of bowling before heading home. baby's REAL good! eh.. 2nd to paul maybe. keke. any challengers? i'm super tired when i reached home.. snoring my way to Mr. Zhou Gong's hse. -snort-

2006-12-25T12:35:00.000+08:00

xmas's here!! whee~ had quite a fun gathering with e all watches crowd and buddies. went to meet cheryl ard 12+ in town for some last min shopping and after dat was the groceries shopping to feed 14 pple. i actually made 2 trips down to the supermarket cos 1st round's not enough. and e best part? its raining. -scowls- and next up was e cutting up of meat and washing of veggies n stuff. ok, i admit i'm getting old... super tired even with these small tasks. but thankfully, everyone enjoyed it (i hope).. keke. and i really say, THANKS BABY!! i was really pleasantly surprised with the effort he made. he kept telling me to "tidy up his room" cos it was super messy n stuff, and he made emphasis on DA BED. but cuckoo me din realise it was a trick!! haha. but i like the white bag and daisy duck he got for me!! so damn cute! big head and small body.. adorable to bits!!! muacks baby! cuddle cuddle cuddle.

see.. so cute right? look at the contrast: body and head.. wahaha.. *wink*

2006-12-22T14:39:00.001+08:00

got wasted last night. i dunno how i went to the extent of downing 3/4 of chivas within an hr. or so i'm told. i simply had no memory of wad i said, wad i did and wad happened last night. i vaguely remember slapping dre just because he absolutely denied my right to call my baby. haha. i'm so sorry dre, dun take it to heart ya? *giggles* but i'm really not upset or anything. its just e pressure building up on me dat's really suffocating. i needed e release of pent up stress i think. shhhhhh.. i'm fine now. thanks pple. -big hugs-

2006-12-20T22:02:00.000+08:00

ok, to e pple who kept asking, 19th's a very impt day. why? cos it just is. hahahah. been raining e whole of yest, made me a teeny bit moody. i'm fine with rainy weather, just that i dun like wet clothes clinging on to me. e feeling's very slimy. geez. and e worse part is.. my msn's down. even after changing it to live messenger 8.1 beta, it still hang. bloody hell. hate it can?!?! super irritated man. i guess i gotta make do with web messenger until someone saves me frm this mess. tsk tsk. help me!! i get this feeling my com's gonna explode soon frm too much songs, movies, vids and pixs. i so wanna reboot my com. but it means i gotta invest on an external hdd and ard $100 burnt. -scowls- shld i or shld i not.. *flip coin*

2006-12-17T03:26:00.000+08:00

met up with my beloved grace today. went shopping and both of us managed NOT to go home empty handed. haha. everywhere's bustling with shoppers lunging huge bags of either christmas shopping or clothes from sales. whee! haha. and i recently realised, i adore satin! its so nice can! smooth and comfortable. good~ :p bought this top from topshop, grace said it was nice, so quite a haste buy. wahaha

afterwhich we had dinner at changing appetites @ marina square. grace had chicken n cheese, me a fish n calamari and we shared the baked monray mussels. eh, shouldn't say i had, i meant we shared practically everything cos the portions were huge! in e end, we still never finish all e food. -_- dessert's at max brenner on grace's treat! keke. typical all chocolate shop, from drinks to waffles to fondue! oh ya, did i mention e fondue's superb! seasonal bread, marshmallows,strawberries and banana. and there's 3 types of dips provided: dark choc, white choc n milk choc. dark's e best, milk's a tad too sweet and white's just mediocre. yikes! but overall, thumbs up!! me and cheryl and shanyu already made a point to go there e next slot when we're free. keke.

far left is the fondue@maxbrenner
right is the fish and calamari
bottom left is the chicken n cheese with MANGO!!!
bottom right is the baked monray mussels with cheese

oh ya, met up with baby, cheryl and shanyu at mr bean's after i left grace. baby had a beef lasagna, shan yu a serving of chicken wings, me and cheryl shared a plate of SINFUL brownie. boo~ it simply maxed out the limit for my daily chocolate intake! tsk tsk. i really can't wait for xmas to come! e mood's building up! argh!!!

its been ages since we
cam whore girl! haha.
taken at esplanade
and maxbrenner

2006-12-15T22:22:00.000+08:00

feeling completely random and restless. i miss my baby. i miss my buddies. -_-

2006-12-09T12:57:00.000+08:00

went over to baby's place yest for lunch, mahjong and dvd. my baby's a good cook!! e bolognese spaghetti he cooked super good!!! believe me la.. keke. lost like 23bucks during the mahjong session. tsk tsk. i'm really damn bad at mj. no kidding! so spare me if u guys looking for "kha(s)" k? wahaha. caught the covenant on dvd. thank god we din go for the movie while it was on screen. ridiculous plot, bad com effects and cliche dialogue. but e lead's gorgeous alright? it sort of made up for the disappointment. teehee.. and christmas's ard e corner! i can't wait for it to come!! eh, partly cos i'm craving for marzipan. i know i got sugar tooth la. can't help it. keke. joy to the world!! :p lovelovelovelovelove

2006-12-08T10:26:00.000+08:00

tsk. still feeling e bloatedness frm dinner yest. not good at all! keke. slpt quite early i tot, ard 12am. was quite sound asleep i assume (cos baby called and i din even know wth i said to him!! gosh!) but idiotic dre and chantell bombed my hp till i woke ard 130. went to serangoon with them for prata that both of them were craving for. tsk tsk. my beauty sleep! "xXxxxxXXxxxxXXXXx" these 2 weeks gonna be super busy. lots of appts coming up. really hope i can manage my time well. gonna go out in awhile to get some groceries to cook spaghetti. yum yum yum!!

*to baby: i finally know what you were planning to do for my birthday present. even tho it wasn't completed in the end, i really really appreciate e thought and the effort put in. its not easy. thanks!!! muacks! -bigfatsloppykiss-*

2006-12-07T18:46:00.000+08:00

waiting for ken and jonah to reach my place to meet up for dinner at chijmes. stoopid dre reached at 1810 when he's e one to say "let's meet ard 7 k". dumb ass! haha. today's e big meetup for mah belated birthday celebration. it's seriously long overdue can.. keke. whee! shall update more when i'm free. -grins-

2006-11-27T10:02:00.000+08:00

i often wonder. life has been quite smooth sailing for me till now. but all of a sudden, everything comes crashing upon me. i believe the fact that i can get through these, with all my loved ones ard me. its hard to describe my mixed feelings right now. i just know, everything's are just not gonna be the same again. just as some relationships are. i heart my baby. lovelovelovelove

2006-11-21T04:27:00.000+08:00

can't get to slp at all. so many stuff been going thru my mind. its really in a whirl. i want to vent all my frustrations some where. but i can't seem to find an outlet to. i'm feeling so stifled, so 'xing ku'. i hope i can get to sleep soon. very soon

2006-11-19T14:14:00.001+08:00

its been quite awhile since i updated. been busy recently with e hordes of birthdays and celebrations that i gotta attend. bah~ alrites, i'm finally legal. haha, kareen, yiwei, dre and co can't seem to forget to remind me i'm one of the last in the league to turn 21! ass! ffffff. keke. i can't wait for nus and ntu's exams to end. whee~~ lots to catch up with my peeps and gossip again. wahahah. was just talking to clar dat day. missed her so much! my baby dear dearest. -pout- can't time pass faster?!?!? grrrr. -rawr- till then, i just gotta make do. haix. will update e photos soon! -grins

post note: met up with my baby dear and ah long and cheryl for dinner at the food fair at expo. really had a pleasant surprise when baby gave me an extremely cute tigger speaker for our 1st month. thanks baby, for remembering and for being there for me. HAPPY 1ST MONTH!!! muacks. =grins= i'm thankful for all those times together. i hope it'll always remain dat way. heart baby.

2006-11-10T12:51:00.000+08:00

went to ah jie's birthday celebration at labyrinth on wed. its was fun cos a couple of us managed to bond more and got closer. same interests and stuff. yay! happy 20th birthday ah jie!!! -tho i doubt he'll ever see this anyway- ahahha. next week, its gonna happen to me la. old le old le. dats bad. everything's just gonna go downslope frm the day i turn 21. to the big 3 and e disgusting 4 will follow suit. i'm not afraid to turn old. its just plain irritating. o ya, dat reminds me. buds, i'm not gonna hold anything. just dinner and a couple of pints or shots will do after ur exams ya? its really a chore la. u know wad i mean. poo. i can't wait actually. mah key mah key mah key! wahahha. i'm gonna be so busy next week. so peeps, will update when i can! whee!!

to dre and ken. oh well, wad happened dat day was just like 10% of wad we're capable of right? hahha. bah~ u guys wanna come on e 15th where i'm having my celebration? revert back asap ya? *hugs*

2006-11-08T09:06:00.000+08:00

been conferencing with dre and jonah last night to the wee hours. we like all clamouring to give ideas to dre's 21st. but when it comes to our own, its like "nua".. keke. super lazy to think of the guest list, place, food and blah. and silly me just realised our little close knitted "goon" family could be so extended now man. :p dalalalala.. yawns. dead beat. why mus problems come in hordes and not one at a time? it sucks. bah~ to clwq, we all love u so much, hoping nt to see u hurt. still, it happened. it hurts me as bad when u're sad. but life has to go on, and u definitely must make a wise decision before anything worse happens. heart u dear. remember i'm always here when u need a listening ear. sighs.

=my paternal side family=
at jeff's wedding at hilton

2006-11-05T17:17:00.000+08:00

managed to meet up quite some pple over the past few days. its been awhile cos all the things happening is making me disoriented and lost. everyday's like every other day. study, going out and sleep. been trying to make myself absolutely tired everyday so that i can get to sleep when i get home at night. it feels like suddenly everything is so surreal and unnatural. bah~ dunno why, but i suddenly felt e fear that one day, i may be alone in this world. the need to solve problems by myself, to do things by myself...and to live life by myself. i can't bear the thought of that. maybe the boredom of being stuck at home on a Sunday is depressing. or maybe...i'm thinking too much. just a tad too deep for my miniscule brain.

2006-10-30T21:07:00.000+08:00

there's been more ups and downs throughout this week than it has been in 21 years of my life. thank god that my baby's ard me when it happened.(thanks baby) so things hasn't been dat bad for me. i hadn't been so determined to do something. this is e very first. and for those who have been asking wad happened, oh yes, i moved out. to those who were showering me with concern and love, thanks so much. i'm sorry for keeping mum abt it cos i really wanted to keep e damage to the barest minimum and it can only be achieved when least pple knows. for now, life has to move on. i'm feeling damn blessed with all the pple ard me. so i will be strong. *love my baby to bits*

2006-10-22T11:11:00.000+08:00

woke up feeling slightly better but quite wrong-footed. 1stly, i dunno how i ended up sleeping in my sis's room. i dun even recall gg to her room in e 1st place. 2ndly, i had 21 missed calls by a private no. its like huh? someone wanna tell me that e world's probably ending like in 15mins time? bah~ this reminds me, i think its e same person who called me e previous time. -_- my baby's tired from e lack of sleep n i can't do anything to help. do take care my dear. can't wait to see u next week. -grins-

2006-10-21T15:46:00.000+08:00

i'm officially sick. poo. bad flu n sorethroat since yest night. -scowls- went ter e doc tis morning with jonah. he dead insisted he should bring his little sister(that's me) to e doc. haha. i'm glad that our relationship is restored back to normal. yeah!! this couldn't much better. and dat big weight that has been piling on me is gone. whee~ this week's great. so good i can't believe everything is real. seems like a dream to me. *zap* :p

ps: to (0"0)- thanks for bringing so much joy into my life. love euu. muacks
to xuan- oh wells, i am cuckoo la.. i tot i was discreet enough. apparently not. u satisfied with my xplanation?? wahahha.

2006-10-20T08:12:00.000+08:00

yesterday was so fun. i haven had dat in a long long time. met bell n yl after their skool at jp. went to do nails again. haha. i seriously think its gonna become a once-a-week excursion to the nail salon if we dun control man. afterwhich we slacked at crystal jade for quite sometime. u wun believe how crazy we were. vinegar in iced-water. n bell even teared cos she was laffing too hard. i guess we all need a psychatrist someday. tsk tsk. then i went down to chinatown to meet up with zac n his long ge. goody gracious heavens. i haven been there for e longest period of time. missed e supremely good dessert stall in e old market. too bad its down now. -sob- we had our dinner at maxwell market. the carbonara was unexpectedly good considering e fact that its a hawker stall!! -thumbs up- yum... din managed to catch e movie in e end but i'm not dat disappointed la. a show is still a show. wads more its only adjourned. keke. hmm. so we went to flo bar near babyface. its cool to bits man. argh.. e velvet seats n e atmosphere. and e seats are red!!! i would pay a million bucks jus to lay my hands on it la. damn.

deep inside, i hope for time to come to a standstill. hoped that everything would remain as it is now. but i'm thankful and contented. really.

2006-10-19T08:35:00.000+08:00

been up for almost an hour. tried to sleep in but i can't. it seems that i must absolutely be awake when e sun comes up. hahaha. bad. was talking to yl abt sher n clubbing then we realised we no longer feel e adrenaline pumping when we club. maybe cos we already reached legal age. n e crowd's now more filled with teeny-boppers n e working class. sheesh. so now, its more of chilling lounges n bars for e mid-lifers like me. wahaha. more tranquil la.. :p i guess i'm gonna catch "death note" later. anticipating it since i dunno when. my fav manga! hope its as good as it looks. whee~

to sher, we really miss euu!! AND dun club so much anymore la. e booze and e high is straining on u. it upsets me to see dat. boohoo.. we love u. :)

2006-10-19T04:11:00.000+08:00

okies. wondering why i'm still awake at this kinda time? i oso dunno. bloody shag. but then... haix. anyway, today morn was totally random. went ter skool n guess wad? lect's cancelled. e lecturer was like.. i'm so sorry but i lost my voice and i can't see myself teaching using writing. bah~ f*** made us go ALL e way to school, u get my pt? tsk. n i think its really e 1st time shihui, lynette, al and me were dead punctual for e lect. haix. so we went KAP mac n sat there for almost 2.5hrs, tolerating some stoopid ngee ann kids blabbering as tho they're haggling in e market. screwed. afterwhich we were sooo bored n shopped at cold storage. yeah, its COLD STORAGE. wahaha. we were literally snapping pics everywhere. n i mean EVERYWHERE. :p and realisation sunk in that its gonna be hallowean soon!!! dalalala. i just love e pumpkins n e barang barang. ps: photos later.. i need ter redo e resolution. its humongous!! teehee

after dat i went (0"0)'s hse. hahaha. guess i shlda keep his identity private cos its not very nice flaunting it ard. :) he cooked!!! its was really not bad at all! i'm impressed. even tho he said its nt up to standard. tsk tsk.. -set ur standards so high- uh huh. watched some shows on tv, lame ones, but it was funny, erm, even entertaining. its been quite awhile since i do that. watch tv shows. wierd eh? but its e fact. -bleah- and i mus really confess, i enjoyed every single bit of yesterday(apart frm e morn). its was sooo good. even tho there's minor hiccups. I LOVE IT. believe me. -grins-

2006-10-17T17:09:00.000+08:00

tsk tsk. much of today's time is spent on travelling. from bugis to nus to polyclinic to nuh to aunt's office. whee~ shag sia. who ask yl to have this wierd syndrome of losing temp sight in one eye. tsk tsk. blind mouse. bah~ prata in e morn was good. food's ok, but e company is. -grins- this is particularly for the eyes of (0"0). wahaha. :p it really was.

oh ya, was talking to mel jus abt now when he commented on ziqiang not celebrating his 21st. tsk.. imagine all e barang barang u gotta deal with n not to mention e guest list u gotta think abt. i guess i'll save up my depleting brain cells n just have dinner with my groupies. -grins- and dat is not for like prob another mth or so. :o)

2006-10-16T20:44:00.000+08:00

i finally did it. it took all my courage to do it. i just hope everything's fine n i won't live to regret my choice. almost everyone's saying i'm reckless. oh well, i guess i am. but e damage's already done. i really really dun wanna to be stuck in e mud anymore. its drowning me. and to jonah(i hope u're reading this) , it all comes as a shock to me. i dun know how to give u a perfect answer cos u know i can't. i already dun have e right to do so right now. even tho this may come abit late, but i do appreciate u being dere for me. really. i just hope u can understand my difficulties this time round.

2006-10-13T23:03:00.000+08:00

i wonder. haven i made things quite very obvious to him that i like him? must i put it across in black and white that "I LIKE YOU" before he gets it?

its astonishing to actually discover e change in myself even without my own knowledge. in e past, all i would do is to be independent n not rely on anyone. its nt abt being practical n stuff. but i felt more inclined to living for myself n friends. i would not hesitate to spend more time with them than my guy. but wad have i evolved into now? i became someone i never knew i was. now, its all him him him. i can't get through my day without thinking of him. he's e 1st on my mind when i wake n e last i would think of when i sleep. i can't seem to function properly at all. obssessed? maybe i am. so now u guys shld get my pt when i say its DAMN bad la. hahaha. pple kept telling me i MUST pluck up e courage to do something.. ANYTHING. but i just can't seem to do that. u know, its so easy just to tell others wad they shld do--mus stick up to ur principles and whatsoever. but when it comes to ur own, u fail terribly. and e worse part? u snigger back at ur frens for telling u e truth. e blunt truth. tsk tsk. talk abt karma. bah~

maybe i should really prop up my pillow n think hard tonight. what shld i do? what options would i have? will it be wad i wished it to be? maybe i need some spiritual help. hmmm..

ps: jonah, u shld knw my answer. but thanks anyway for all those late-night talks. u'll always be my dearest brudder. -grins-

2006-10-13T08:26:00.000+08:00

yesterday was totally random n boring. couldn't have survived if i stayed at home. so wenta meet bell's hse to slack for abit 1st and met up with yl after dat at jp for lunch. oh ya, i went for a trim at e salon! haha, cash is so farnie la, brightens up my day man. he's like doing more n more outdoors stuff now that he's e creative director. mediacorp shows, fashion shows, blah blah blah. but he's still e same cash i knew esp e buckle on his belt. wahaha. got to know tis stylist called tom recently oso. he's so shy la!!!! yest yl's mum, who's my aunt, wanted to cut hair too. so yl asked him : later u free? he turned tomato red can!! so cute!! haha. we were simply gawffing larz. :p spent abt 3 hrs dere even tho it only took ard half an hr for my trim. bah~ and i met up with yiwei for dinner at e siam kitchen. haha. kept on having good food la. tsk. its seriously having a toll on my already slim pocket. not good. :p

2006-10-12T20:08:00.000+08:00

i finally found wad i was looking for all this while. i hope, at least. haha. its been quite awhile since e flutter in e tummy and e heat in e face happened to me. -grins- dalalala.. so pple, dun tell me wad i shld do. cos wad i shld do, i always never do.. vice versa. AND, i'm so happy. so so happy. ecstatic in fact. WHEE~

2006-10-11T19:16:00.000+08:00

i'm totally fine. just a bit of giddy spells and big-headed sensations dats all. dun worry pple. i'll get better. :) till e results, i'll take care of myself. -grins- thanks peeps!

2006-10-09T22:05:00.000+08:00

sometimes, it amazes me at how fast a person can change. from good friends, it just detoriates within a couple of days. its like X can just talk bad abt Y behind his back, passing comments like " he's just got e looks, zero character and sucha big flirt". its like hellooo? how good r u to even speak of him like dat? Y is so much better than u can?!?! so jus shut ur blabbering and go to one corner. poo. X, u're never gonna achieve ur aim of sowing discord btw me n Y. so just give it up. u can jolly well continue pissing me off with ur nonsense and i swear i'll take revenge for Y. watch out, ass!!

2006-10-08T12:32:00.000+08:00

i wonder why everyone must get married at abt the same time. it means i gotta tolerate some conversations with aunties which go something like this...

aunt: ah girl ar, how old r u le ar?
me: 21 le lor..
aunt: aiyo, 21 le ar, time pass so fast hor, never bring ur boyfriend along?
me: eh, dun have la.. hahaha
aunt: har? now still dun have? mus go find one asap ar.. or else next time cannot get married leh..

i was like heh? wth.. is there such a big hurry hurry to go look for someone to marry and go thru e stardard ritual of 'i'm willing' before everyone shuts their mouth abt u? dats crap. i hate it. but on a happier note, another one of my paternal cousin got married yest at hilton hotel. His bride is so pretty!!! congrats to jeff n carina! dat makes 2 weddings in 2 weeks. keke.. i'm getting fatter. tsk, no good, no good.